Alyssa: Why are we stopping?
Holden: ‘Cause I can’t take this.
Alyssa: Can’t take what?
Holden: I love you.
Alyssa: You love me?
Holden: I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we’re great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I’m sure that’s what you’ll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the-the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is-is-is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can’t take this anymore. I can’t stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can’t-I can’t look into your eyes without feeling that-that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can’t talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship – no pun intended – but I had to say it, ’cause I’ve never felt this way before, and I-I don’t care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can’t hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn’t allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I’ll accept that. But I know, I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there’s a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. And all I ask, please, is that you just – you just not dismiss that, and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn’t another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I’m with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can’t deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I am forever changed because of who you are and what you’ve meant to me, which – while I do appreciate it – I’d never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.

Some days, this is all that needs to be said:

Ian and I went to the release party for Wholphin #8, which was a lot of fun, the four films shown were interesting.  One of the best, though it was also the most explicit, was LOVE YOU MORE, a film by Sam Taylor-Wood, written by the guy who wrote Closer.  Two English kids bond in 1978 over the latest Buzzcocks single, “Love You More”.  Really nice little film, I loved the design.

I simply love the line if her small Elfin face looking up at him, the subtle curve of her chin as it drops into her neck on down.  I was completely struck by the image in the film itself and was surprised to find such a nice still of it.  Something sort of pleasantly Egyptian about it all.

A while ago, Cameron told me that my blog was very dramatic, and that sort of edged out into the rest of my life.  I began to think about it all, about saying the things you mean and not being purposelessly cryptic, and sometime in between here and there, I got too busy with writing for a living, with the people I know.  My Google reader fills up, my Twitter lies unread…

Do you want a kind of run down? I’m going to Dallas in May, Chicago in June, Ecuador in July (maybe), New York in August, and I don’t know where all else.  San Diego this weekend.  I get these nutty panic attacks whenever I have to go somewhere I’ve never been for the first time.

I’ve been working on a movie, it’s wrapped now, but before that was Film Festival, building sets and working hard. I go back and forth on whether or not I want to get ahead in film or not. I’m good at it, I feel like it’s the only thing I’m really good at. I am direct, efficient, calm, orderly.  The set-dresser is the best one I’ve ever worked with. Two steps ahead is an understatement. Twelve steps ahead, and I’m back at making amends.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Chasing Amy.  I think about it more than most people probably have ever thought about it.  Makes me feel like this guy, Brian, this guy at Panera, he’s always here, he looks at different covers of TV Guide magazine for longer than anyone has ever looked at the cover of all the magazines in the whole world.

The latest episode of Almanac, wherein I listen to the new Bill Callahan album for the very first time, all the way through, and provide some thoughts after each song.   Since they’re pulling tracks from the internet, I won’t be posting the track listing, but it is available if you do a little Googling.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Finally! A new episode!  This one was recorded on March 25th, I was fresh off the thrill of working on a Grizzly Bear music video, as well as the delight of talking to one of my favourite new actors, Tyron Leitso.  After seeing him in the short lived but endearing show Wonderfalls, I contacted Tyron, and asked if I could contact his agent about an interview of sorts.  To be honest, these little ventures of mine sometimes veer into disaster, like the time I tried to interview different people from Lookbook and discovered that not everyone has something interesting to say. Luckily that was NOT the case with Tyron , who kind enough to answer questions to my heart’s content, and I’ve trimmed out the best 20 minutes to share.

Service Bell – Grizzly Bear + Feist
Unknown Legend – Neil Young
My Hands are Shaking – Sondre Lerche

Interview with Wonderfall’s Tyron Leitso, a clever Canadian actor.  We discuss the difficulties of acting, the triumph of timberframing, and unique filmmaker Uwe Boll.

I Don’t Believe You – The Magnetic Fields
Can’t Make a Sound – Elliot Smith
Seems So – Apples in Stereo
Born to Love Magic – Nick Drake

Also I recently learned how to properly export my mp3 files, so they’re a much higher quality from here on out, no more scuzzy audio hopefully. (Now if I can just learn to read a VU meter!) …We’ll just call that the joke that wasn’t.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

I find files like this on my computer constantly. Little relics, hidden gems, small sacred sounds that I’ve tucked away for future observance.

a brief list of things I am doing:

writing 8 articles a month now.
waiting until the 13th to listen to the new Bill Callahan album.
production design for the Biola Film Fest, May 1st.
production design for a film shooting May 6-10th.

much more.

me: So, what do you do?
him: I make a list, and go through it line by line. Just try and get through the day.

____

(watching revolutionary road)

old lady behind me: they sure drink a lot.
(10 min later)
old lady behind me: they sure smoke a lot.
(10 min later)
old lady to her friend behind me: I didn’t know what this movie was about.

Here’s an episode of Almanac, (my hour long radio show) that I thought I had lost.  As best I can figure out from the small references I make, I think I recorded this around the beginning of February.  I give an explanation of the show in the first few minutes.

I Wonder Why The Wonderfalls – Andy Partridge
Not That Dumb – Suddenly, Tammy!
Concrete and the Clay – Unit 4 + 2
Another One Goes By – The Walkmen
Here Comes my Baby – Cat Stevens
Oblivious – Galaxie 500
You Don’t Make it Easy, Babe – Josh Ritter
Saro – Sam Amidon
Beautiful Dream – Suddenly, Tammy!
Me and the Major – Belle and Sebastian
William, It Was Really Nothing – The Smiths
Summer Song – Chad and Jeremy
The Story of My Life – The Velvet Underground

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

I worked as a production assistant on the Patrick Daughters’ directed music video for Two Weeks, which is on their new album, out in May sometime.  The video should be neat. Pyrotechniques, y’all!  I spray painted a mannequin, filled out paperwork, and swept up leaves.  Also hung about set helping distribute food and coffee, and talking to everyone.  Everyone was really nice, it was a really small shoot, and it’s amazing how fast everything goes when you have trained professionals doing their jobs correctly.

PICS OR IT DIDNT HAPPEN: